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I think what both of you say is plausible. I'm of the opinion that when Mitaka laughed at himself, he really was offering a clean slate to Asuna, and offering a clean slate to himself. I think he firmly expected that he would fall in love with her. And by the time that they are wed, I would reckon there is true love at least building between them. That Mitaka should offer such a clean slate, and Asuna, knowing that Mitaka was originally in love with Kyoko, should let him, really is a testament to both of their characters. Honestly, I think Asuna truly DID love Mitaka, and that is why she offers him to be free from their engagement. But her cracking her joke in the odd moment really could let Mitaka look at himself not so seriously, step back, take a breath, and say, "What do I have to lose." I think Mitaka realized Asuna did love him when she offered him freedom, and that gave him the chance to make a decision, not selfishly or for honour's sake, but for the opportunity that love could bud and win his heart.

Dr. Casey wrote:

It's not like the deal with Ryoga, who found the girl who was absolutely perfect for him. It would have been easy to move on from his former love because Akari was a girl who could, given the aid of time, make Akane look like dirt in comparison. Mitaka's ending, though, might truly have been an unhappy one. That's what makes Kyoko's rejection sting worse than it already does, and it was a painful scene to begin with.

So you don't think that the pairing of two persons of means and status was a happy ending? I know that Mitaka is struck in love with Kyoko, similarly, I may add, to Godai. In other words, he's really more struck in lust at first. His pursuit of Kyoko is almost on an equal footing to Godai. I have to agree with Lumsdarling above that Mitaka's pursuit of Kyoko is framed and galvanized by his competitive spirit. That isn't to say that Mitaka didn't come to care about Kyoko. He did. But honestly, I have to agree that Kyoko never saw the true Mitaka, like Asuna did. (And it is probably true that Mitaka never saw the true Kyoko.) It was only after the "competition" was lost that Asuna got to see just what made Mitaka truly Mitaka. That he was a truly honourable man, and made of the best and not the worst, longsuffering and lonely in his hurt but determined to hold up his promise; that must have truly endeared Mitaka to Asuna. So Asuna could offer Mitaka his freedom, even at the late moment. That's when Mitaka could turn and see Asuna for who she is, without any more dwelling on having lost a competition, and value the consolation prize even more than the first. Similarly to Ryoga's Akari, I think, Mitaka has in Asuna a person who will understand him far better than Kyoko ever could. Asuna and Mitaka grew up in similar worlds and should understand each other quite well, that is after each has put their former grief behind them. Both of them would be in a hurting mode at the point when Asuna made her joke. But Asuna's joke allowed those hurts (realizing she's a second prize on Asuna's part, and drawing second prize on Mitaka's part) to be put in perspective and the two respective parties to balm together. That we don't see them any more in the story until the reception means, I think, that we are to believe they're getting along fine, perhaps even better than fine. They sure do have a good sex life, at least.

Dr. Casey continues:

... whenever Godai learned that Mitaka had lost the war, that he would indeed marry Asuna and never Kyoko, he didn't seem all that sympathetic (Or at least not sympathetic towards his loss of Kyoko - he was concerned about the Asuna situation and Mitaka's general depression). Whenever Kozue dropped out of the running, Mrs. Ichinose said something to Kyoko at her parents' house along the lines of "What's wrong? Things are working out the way you wanted them to." Things are working out the way she wanted them to... so it's all about Kyoko, huh? No consideration for Kozue's feelings? I wonder, is it considered normal or okay to be that unconcerned about the situation or feelings of your romantic rival?

You bring up an interesting point. I get from Godai's worrying about Asuna that he wants Mitaka to do the right thing. I do not in the least fault Godai for this. It is an observation I have about men and that is that they are always concerned about the female. It isn't that Godai doesn't feel for Mitaka in that situation. It is that Godai is concerned for Asuna. And we also get Mitaka being equally concerned, not for Godai, but for Kyoko. That is why he goes to talk to Godai and give him a pep talk to do the best he can for Kyoko. It certainly isn't that Mitaka has any concern for Godai's feelings.

I'm sure that between Godai and Mitaka, their former rival status makes it easier for them to be curt with each other. But I have noted that even closest male buddies will urge each other to do the right thing where a woman is concerned. Men respect each other and the ultimate way one can show one's respect to another man is to kick him in the pants and tell him to do what is right (or in Mitaka's case, to kick Godai in the pants and tell him to get his act together).

When it comes to Mrs. Ichinose to Kyoko concerning Kozue, its all about personal loyalty. Mrs. Ichinose is being a good friend to Kyoko in telling her that its all right on her side. Mrs. Ichinose, after all, is Kyoko's friend, not Kozue's. And she's taking Kyoko's part, as a good female friend does. With women (and this I have on good authority, straight from my wife!), friendship is about loyalty and being there for the person, and helping them by making their friend feel better. That's what Mrs. Ichinose is doing for Kyoko. That another person is also hurting would only make Kyoko feel worse, so Mrs. Ichinose doesn't bring that up.

I don't think that there is a general callousness in Maison Ikkoku against the third party in the triangle. I think, instead, it is just guys being guys and women being women. There ARE differences in temperment and character between men and women. And we see in these examples the best of each. With Godai, he's speaking directly to his rival, but it's a man to man talk. Each man is bucking each other up. They may not like each other, but they are being chivilrous and each caring about the other's woman. I think, with Mitaka and Godai, each is charitable to a certain extent to their former rival. Godai certainly comes to respect what it took for Mitaka to come and try to buck him up. Mitaka, just in the act of going to meet with Godai, shows his character. Kyoko, on the other hand, never directly confronts her rival. It may have been a mess if she had. There, with Mrs. Ichinose, it was a meeting of friends. Kozue, too, was meeting with her friends who were giving her comfort as well.

Because I'm in something of a love triangle myself, and I know that I'm not that callous towards the third party. Hell, I've even spent a lot of time endorsing and promoting the alternate pairing because I don't want the other guy to get hurt (And no, it's not because the feelings are weak on my end).

Once again I must note an example of how different people can get different things out of this work depending on where they are and where they've been in their life. With all due respect to your situation (a point of view I understand, and must respect, by the way), I think your situation gives you a point of view where you will sympathize with the crushed rival. And maybe you think Mitaka won't be so well for Asuna because he may not be able to recover from his own hurt. Where I agree that recovering from hurt likely makes it more difficult for Mitaka to be whole (as in well healed) in a relationship, I think the story presents us a plausible reason why we should think that Mitaka and Asuna should do fine together. Asuna and Mitaka are able to penetrate each other's comfort zone. Once Mitaka realizes that Asuna has gotten past his pretense and facade, he knows Asuna sees him for who he truly is. He knows he can be himself then. And in the process of penetrating Mitaka's outer shell, Asuna makes herself vulnerable. This Mitaka will realize and, once he's said his goodbye to Kyoko in his heart, I am sure he will take the ultimate care of Asuna. So Mitaka will allow Asuna to nurse him back to health. And that can lead his heart to value the consolation prize more than his crushed pride at the contest he lost.

Addressing your situation, (something I do with the utmost care -- I beg your indulgence) Dr. Casey, I'd only say a lesson I learned the hard way. One has to care for oneself. Not that one should be completely callous towards one's rival. I think an honourable man does care about his rival. That too is part of being chivilrous. But one also has to figure one's rival can take care of himself. So as long as one doesn't hit him when he's down, or below the belt, as it were, all is fair, they say, in love and war. Present your best case, if you will, and allow the lady to make her decision. Then accept that decision, whether the victor or the defeated, with grace and charity. Then, I pray, all may be happy in the end. Good luck!